Back-to-School Jitters

Is your 5-year-old acting clingy lately? Is your 11-year-old acting extra sassy this past week? If you are feeling stuck, it may be the back-to-school jitters. Whether your child is starting a new grade or transitioning to a new school after a fun summer, this is a transition you and your children might struggle with. After your carefree summer filled with sunshine, beach days, popsicles, and late bedtimes, going back to structured days with academic and social demands at school can cause an overwhelming feeling of distress for your child.

We hope this article equips you with strategies to help your little ones feel supported and ready for the upcoming school year.

Recognizing the Signs

You may notice your younger kids engaging in regressive behaviors and displaying higher levels of separation anxiety a few weeks before school starts. You might notice your child shutting down when you start discussing school supplies shopping. Some verbose children can share with you that they are worried about meeting their new teacher or making new friends;. however, many children struggle with identifying big underlying emotions like anxiety, fear, and sadness., They may have tantrums, complain of stomachaches or headaches, have prolonged meltdowns, or become irritable. Often, you might find yourself addressing these behaviors instead of the underlying cause.

Addressing Jitters and Anxiety Together

Acknowledging the Experience

Your children could be starting at a new school or returning to the same school in a new grade. Change brings uncertainty and unpredictability, which can feel daunting, especially if your child is neurodivergent. As each year progresses, the demands and expectations placed on your child change, and this can cause anxiety and insecurity.

Your first step as their caregiver is to make room for the anxiety by acknowledging and validating these concerns.

Normalizing these worries helps your children become more open to conversations and support from you. Instead of saying, "It will be fine, you don’t need to worry," try practicing active emotional validation:

“I understand that you’re feeling nervous about starting a new grade; that’s a big change.”

When you acknowledge your child's internal experiences, it lowers their physiological arousal, making them far more receptive to working through coping strategies with you.

Focusing on Predictability and Control

Discussing predictable factors and things that your child can control often helps them feel reassured. You can have conversations about who oversees drop-offs and pick-ups, and create visual schedules that outline morning, homework, and evening routines so your child knows exactly what to expect. This is one of the most attainable ways to reinforce feelings of competence and reassurance for your child.

Building Confidence Through Practice and Role-Play

Unfamiliarity can fuel anticipatory anxiety; hence, you may find role-playing effective for all ages. You can help demystify the school day by walking through scenarios step-by-step. For younger children, you can use playful role-playing with toys or act out saying hello to a teacher or talking to a new peer.

For your older children, you can conduct a "dry run" by driving or walking the route to school, finding their locker, or practicing quick icebreaker conversations to introduce oneself to new teachers and friends. Practicing these moments in a calm environment helps your children build confidence and real-world competency.

Anchoring on the Positives

Discussing things that your children can look forward to is another effective strategy for you. Though your child might find parts of the new school year scary, they likely have aspects of school they are excited about. They may look forward to seeing friends they haven't met up with over the summer. In cases where they have the same teachers, they might get excited about seeing their old teacher again. Your children may also look forward to specific subjects or activities that summer doesn't always offer, such as art class, music, physical education, library days, or joining school clubs and sports teams. You might find that your child looks forward to having structured activities and routines, since many children lack that structure during summer break.

If your child is neurodivergent, they may thrive on predictable schedules and feel less distressed when their daily routine is structured rather than open-ended. Highlighting these positive aspects doesn't mean you are invalidating your child’s fears; rather, it helps you balance their perspective.

“By framing the transition around bright spots alongside the challenges, you can build excitement and help your child approach the first day of school with greater confidence.”

Planning a Transition Week

One of the most important steps you can take is getting your children back into a routine that mirrors the school year. It is recommended that you structure the final week before school begins just like a school week. This means helping your children go to bed and wake up at the times expected on a school day. During summer break, if your children have had altered bedtimes, they may struggle to wake up on time, get ready efficiently, or avoid feeling exhausted without this transition week. Exhausted children feel more dysregulated, which spikes their anxiety and leads to low mood and reduced functioning.

Reviewing Pending Work

If your child received summer homework, such as reading a book or completing a math packet, they might also have projects or assignments expected to be submitted when school reopens. When your child returns to school with unfinished work, they may experience high levels of anxiety, fearing they will get into trouble or disappoint their teacher. It is helpful for you to review any pending assignments with your child and provide gentle support to complete unfinished projects.

When to Seek Additional Help

Your child may experience these symptoms prior to the start of the school year. Your first course of action should be to try the strategies shared here, either individually or in combination. However, if your child exhibits extreme separation anxiety, frequently complains of stomach aches or headaches, or displays school refusal behaviors that do not improve with these strategies, you should consider seeking professional support. Child therapists are well-equipped to guide you and help your child navigate school-related anxiety.

At Wildflower Way Counseling, our experienced therapists help your children work through school-related stress and general anxiety. Reach out today for a complimentary 15-minute consultation to learn how our therapy services can support you, your child, and your family.